I think we have all heard the expression “don’t judge another person until you have walked a mile in their shoes”. I used to look at folks with eating disorders and just could not imagine what they were thinking and why they would do that to themselves, but I understand now.
It will be hard for most of you to understand that for me, eating is no longer something to look forward to. I tell folks that God has a sense of humor. I am married to the most wonderful cook and I no longer look forward to eating. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with my taste buds. Things that taste good not only taste good, but they taste great — mostly because I can eat so little. Due to some unknown reason (at least to me) many foods either don’t go down well, or they upset what is left of my system.
Everything requires I chew a lot and I mean a lot. It takes me a very long time to eat. I can’t eat and drink because there is not enough room for both. If I eat something that doesn’t agree with my new plumbing, I get rid of it almost instantly (to put it nicely). So now the most primal desire is just no longer there. I simply don’t care to eat.
A lot of folks say they wish they had that problem. I understand the statement. After all, I used to be pretty big myself and now I am painfully thin. Believe me, you don’t want to wish this on yourself. Most folks should eat the way I am forced to, but not because they have to.
Now I really do understand those that have eating disorders. I guess I am walking in their shoes. At some point your body, not you mind takes over. Once your body takes over your mind is no longer in control and it’s no longer a choice.
Unfortunately now among everything else, my caregiver, the love of my life, must shoulder that responsibility along with everything else. Even though I can write about it; even though I understand it; if left up to me I would probably just simply not eat enough. My body is not asking for nourishment. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live and I want to thrive; I have just have lost almost all interest in eating.
This is the point in my writing where I try to have a positive spin on whatever I just wrote about. I am thinking, I am thinking………………, I just can’t find it this time.
If this subject sparked some interest in you, then you should have been on our last support call. We would love for you to call in and help us and/or yourself work through these kinds of dilemmas. Wed evenings, 7 pm.